Looking Back at 2009

Good Things:

• I was in "Annie" (Is that good? I'm not sure haha)
• I was in "Thoroughly Modern Millie"
• I recieved a lot of scholarships: Presidential at WSU, U of U and BYU-I. And half tuition at BYU.
• I accomplished all of my BHS choir goals: Singing a song at the Valentine Concert, Singing a solo, and getting that solo recorded on the CD.
• CHOIR TRIP!!!
• BHS 2009 Speech/Drama Sterling Scholar
• HAWAII
• I purchased my very own car in cash, and it is pretty nice for someone my age!
• I graduated with a 3.98 from high school.
• I got another job working at RMT.
• I have gained some more best friends!
• I survived my first semester of college and have a 3.97.
• There were a million more!

Bad Things:

• I lost a best friend.
• I had my first heartbreak and it STUNK!
• I realized that I was not supposed to go to BYU, which was my dream.
• I didn't get accepted into the U's voice program.

Because of all of these events:

• I have many precious friendships.
• I have learned to be more independent.
• I have become amazing at managing money!
• Most importantly, and most prominently, I have learned a lot about the Atonement. I've realized more than ever before that it is not just used to be forgiven of our sins, but that Christ truly knows how we feel at all times. No matter how alone we might feel, He knows how we feel and he's always there. I have grown so close to Him and my Heavenly Father this year.

2009 was crazy! It has been more eventful, exciting, dissapointing, and joyful than any year ever has been before! And I'm grateful to see that the worst moments in life turn out to be good for you and you truly learn the most during those times.

I can't wait to see what 2010 will bring!

Festivus!!!!

Yesterday my friends and I celebrated Festivus! Last year, Sam and I were at Jacob's on December 23, and Sam said he wanted to celebrate Festivus. We invited more people over, and we aired grievances. This is when you tell each person how they have disappointed over the last year. Well, people started to get a little bit too mean, and so then we had a compliment circle. This was so much fun last year that we decided to do it again!

It was held at my house, and not only did we have The Airing of Grievances, we had Feats of Strength where the head of household has to be pinned before Festivus can end. Sam was our head of household. Taylor and Driggs both tried to pin him, but Zach is the one who succeeded. Our Grievances were not as mean this year, and we said a compliment to each person after sharing our grievance.

I mostly just liked being with everyone again! We all hung out the whole Christmas Break last year, but we are all busy and that is not possible this year. But yesterday was just like old times and it was great. The only difference I noticed is that almost everyone was much more mature while airing grievances. I was very impressed. It was such a fun evening!

My Current Feelings on General Ed Requirements

I was just looking at my first blog post. It was "Are AP Classes Worth It?" I came to the conclusion that they are worth it. Now, a year and a half later, I know that AP classes are THE GREATEST THING EVER!!! haha not really, but in college they have truly saved my life. I got 18 credits in high school. If I hadn't gotten those credits I would have had to take a summer semester (almost all music majors have too. Our requirements are insane). I finished math and history and half of my english requirement in high school. Now my only regret is that I didn't take any sciences. I have to take THREE science classes to get my degree in music. grrrrr.... guess what?! I HATE SCIENCE!!! I really do! Biology, chemistry, physics, you name it. I have always managed to get As in it but I just hate it and don't get how it benefits my life in anyway.

This next semester I am taking two sciences: Chemistry (which in high school was a million times harder for me than calculus was), and Elementary Public Health. I am hoping that this class will be more interesting and help me to not hate my science classes so much. But on the bright side, I will only have one more science class after this semester, and then I can focus on my favorite kind of general ed requirement: social sciences!!! I LOVE those classes a lot! If I had time for a minor, then it would be in Human and Family Development. I am purposely saving most of my social sciences for last because I love them.

That is all.

My Favorite Quote

My favorite quote is on my blog somewhere, but I just wanted to talk about what it means to me. I'm not always very good at following Viktor Frankl's inspiring words:

"The last freedom of all is to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances."

In sixth grade, my teacher, Mrs. Daines would have us memorize a quote each week. This is the one that I have always remembered.

Viktor Frankl was in a concentration camp during the Holocaust. Literally everything was taken away from the people there- even their names. Mr. Frankl paid attention to the people who were dying and who remained living. He noticed that the people who were still living through these horrible, evil circumstances were people who chose to have a good attitude and just deal with what they were given instead of complaining and cursing God all the time. He realized that even though he had absolutely nothing in the world, he still had the right to choose his own attitude and how he was going to handle his trials.

I try to live by these words and always choose to have a good attitude no matter what is happening to me. As you can probably tell, I fail most of the time. And I haven't even had the horrific trials that others go through. But, as long as I am always improving, it will be ok.

I love that quote a lot.

Caitlin

Is amazing and I love her! I'm so lucky to have her as one of my best friends. And she has had one crappy weekend! If I had just gone through what she has, I would probably give up on life. Well, not really, but yeah. She had a ruptured sist inside her that caused her an insane amount of pain and she had to spend six hours at the hospital getting blood drawn, ivs, and ultrasounds. The next night she was in a car accident and was sent to the hospital in an ambulance and had to be tested for brain damage and such and was miserable. And then she broke up with her boyfriend. After all of this, she is in so much pain as you can imagine. I went to visit her yesterday and despite everything she is just so cheerful and laughing at everything (it's probably the Lortab!) I went to make her day better and instead she made my day a lot brighter! I just think she is so wonderful and such a strong person! I'm so glad we are best friends! Last year when I was suffering from a broken heart, I would sometimes randomly start crying while we were hanging out. And she was so nice to me and could always make me laugh and feel better when no one else could. I just hope I can return the favor someday. I'm so blessed to have her as one of my best friends!

No One Thinks You're Funny...

I don't have anything to say about my life but I thought I should say something here is the only thing I can think of:

So I took the bus to school today. I was sitting with Breanna, our friend Felisha and this boy I don't know, but they do. The boy was talking to Felisha and suddenly we heard him say, "If you batted your eyes at a guy who was a total stranger and told him you hadn't eaten all day, he would buy you food in a second." Random, I know. Then Breanna was like, "If either of us tried that (me or Breanna), then he would point the way to a homeless shelter." And then she almost died from laughing so hard. And the three of us looked at her like she was insane. And I was like, "Shhh. No one thinks you're funny." And she continued laughing. Normally I laugh at what Breanna says, but this was too true to be funny.

No wonder we haven't made very many friends at school. People don't embrace freaks like they did in high school.

Sorry that was lame, but unfortunately this is the only eventful thing that has happened to me at all today. Breanna dressed as a hippie at Mimi's Cafe in Anaheim, California.

Yeah, I'm Insane...

I love musicals. If you have read my blog, then you definitely know that. The last show I did ended in March. It's been hard being away from musicals. Well, when I started college I told myself that I wasn't going to audition for a show until April 2010. I needed to get used to school and figure everything out. After about 3 weeks of school, and having to be near musical theater majors all the time in the Browning Center, I realized that I couldn't stand being away from the stage.

So, when I was offered a job at Rodgers doing tech and concessions, I figured this would give me the theater fix I needed without me actually having to stress out about doing a show. That worked until about two weeks ago. I was backstage helping the lead put her costume on when I realized I couldn't stand it any longer: I needed to do a show!!!!!

I tried out for Kiss Me, Kate at Rodgers. Before they cast it, however, I was given an opportunity to be ensemble in Singin' in the Rain at Rodgers instead. The schedule fit much better with my schooling and work and so I decided to do Singin' in the Rain.

Now, I'm working two jobs, going to school (15 credit hours), and am in a musical. I have time for nothing. I don't get to sleep or eat very much. I'm always very stressed out. And I realized this today: I'm insane! Seriously! Why am I willing to stress myself out so much? All for an ensemble part in a cheesy show in a cast where I know no one? Who does that? I don't understand myself.

"You Must Be Theater Majors"

Ok, so after Music Theory today me and a bunch of girls went to the Browning Center kitchen put a fruit tray in the fridge (getting the fruit tray was also an interesting story, but no one would probably be that entertained by it). FYI the Browning Center is the performing arts building at Weber. I pretty much live there. So anyway, we were all in a super hyper mood and we were laughing like crazy. We walked into the kitchen and this guy was eating there. We were all like "Hello!" and he said, "Let me guess, you must be theater majors." And we were like, "Nope, music majors". And he was really suprised and said that only theater majors are that weird.
First of all, is it really not normal to be extremely happy and friendly? Second of all, do people really think theater people are that weird? I personally think band people are the weird ones. It's hard because a lot, but definitely not all, of the music majors at school make fun of musical theater and say it's fake music. The funny thing is, a few music majors (vocal ones) would rather be doing musical theatre. The Browning Center is definitely a strange place full of a lot of weird people.

West Side Story

If it was a year ago from now, Les Mis would still be running. While I have been thinking a ton about Les Mis, something brought me back to reality. It was West Side Story at BHS. Obviously, it informed me that I was not longer in musical. It was an amazing show! It was so fun to see people shine in the spotlight while I had seen many of them start out as little sophomores who didn't show that much potential quite yet. I was expecting to start crying because I wanted to be on stage, and hated being in the audience. Well, I did cry, but for completely different reasons. First of all, it was joy! I loved the show! Everyone was so amazing. Plus the show is just very emotional to begin with. But during and after the show, events happened that reminded me of past experiences that were amazing at the time, but remembering them now brings me pain because they have drastically changed since them. If you are close to me, you'll know what I'm talking about. If not, you wouldn't be interested . Anyway, Laura, Breanna and I decorated the dressing rooms for the cast. They looked so cute and it took us like three hours! After the show everyone said that it brought them joy and they really appreciated it. It was a great day! One of the best, yet it was probably one of the biggest emotional roller coasters I've ever experieced. So what I decided to do was show some pictures from other shows and compare them with the Pictures I took at West Side Story. I took a million more pictures but I chose these ones because they were the most similar to other pictures I have taken.
Aticus and Me in Les Miserables (not in our costumes, obviously)

In Annie Aticus as Tony in West Side Story

Nick and I in Annie

West Side Story. Notice the height difference from the first picture!

Devin and I in Millie

Dev as Bernardo

Becca and Me: Cosette and Fantine

Annie

Becca as a shark girl.

A lot has changed, and while some of the changes have ripped my heart out, some of them have also been good. Most especially great is the fact that me leaving musical didn't automatically end these friendships, which is usually the case. I have seen how resilient these friendships are, and if we have stayed friends while going to different schools, having different activities, never seeing each other, and being at different stages in our lives, then I'm sure that these friendships will continue for eternity. Seriously. It seems to me that a lot of us were friends before we came to earth, because we all clicked extremely fast, faster and closer than I've ever seen or thought possible. I love my friends!

A Year Ago Today

So I know no one cares about Les Mis, or these silly ramblings; but writing about it makes me feel a billion times better.

On Saturday, September 27, 2008, I awoke with a very sore throat. Realizing this, I started to cry. I wanted to do an amazing job in the show! People had always known that I performed, but no one had ever seen me with a lead, and I wanted to prove to everyone that I deserved the part I got (there is nothing worse than someone getting a lead who really isn't good enough but the director likes them or someone influential is related to them. I hate it.).

So that morning we went to rehearsal. I looked the ugliest I have probably ever looked. I had on one of my dad's t shirts, I was wearing no make up, and I didn't even brush my hair. Ew. So I went to rehearsal and ran through the show but I didn't sing very intensely.

After rehearsal, the girls in the cast all got together and prepared to ask the boys to the Halloween Dance. This was a super fun idea that Cort and Amy had - a musical cast group! Our goal was to ask each boy in musical who was sixteen or older. And so each girl chose a boy in musical. I asked Zach. Amy took a picture of each of us, and then we decorated the picture of us with a funny sentence or something (example: Becca Cole had a way ugly picture or herself and put "Aticus-Roses are red, violets are blue, this is what I look like....LUCKY YOU!!")and taped it to the mirror of the boy we were asking in the dressing room. We heart attacked the room as well. Then on the front door of the dressing room we put a sign that said "Ain't no boy like a musical boy" (Monson later crossed out boy and put man).

Then I went home and had a blessing from my dad. There were so many things I was nervous for: my voice (my throat had gotten worse throughout the day), my super fast wig change, my super fast costume change (and we are talking only a few measures of music for each change), and especially- I was afraid I wouldn't be convincing. Fantine is such a complicated part, and where other leads (Cosette, or a narrator in Joseph) just have to be good singers, that won't cut it with this role. I have never felt comfortable with my acting, and I really had a hard time with the prostitute scenes. But the blessing calmed me soooo much. I knew that Heavenly Father wanted me to do well, and he would be with me throughout the whole show.

I think I arrived to the school like an hour earlier than I needed to, if anyone was there before me, then it was only Sam. I like to get ready as much as I can at home, and then I like arriving to the theatre very early- even though I'm almost ready. My theory is that if something goes wrong, like a missing costume, I have time to work it out. So I got my mic, set my wig and costumes backstage, and made sure Fantine's bed was made. I was so scared, and I was starting to feel sick to my stomach. I HAD to prove that I was talented. It makes no sense, but I felt like my whole future career rested on Les Mis.

Mandy gave me a rose for opening night, and Laura gave me a bag of starbursts. Truman gave me a note. Lots of people were coming up to me and hugging me and telling me how wonderful I'd be. Although I didn't believe them, it was nice to know that the whole cast was rooting for me.

As I stood behind the curtain about to go on, I realized that I just had to trust the Heavenly Father would help me. And that night I started something that has become habit. I always do it as I walk onto the stage for a performance or an audition. I whisper, "Okay, Heavenly Father, it's all You." It's really weird I know. I hope that is not disrespectful. When I say it I'm saying that I rehearsed and learned everything I could to make the show good, but now it's in His hands.

At the End of the Day went well, and as I Dreamed a Dream came, I got scared again. But I prayed in my head a little, and I was ready to sing it. I did better than I ever had before! The director cried during my song, and after she told me how moving it was. Everything after that went great for me. My costume changes worked out perfectly. It was a great show!

What is really miraculous is that we didn't mess up with the music except for like once. We had only gotten the music two days before. And the whole show is music so if you get lost, it's bad. Most shows have at least a few weeks with the music. Our director had even thought about cancelling the first couple performances because we weren't ready. But we did it! It seriously was a miracle. Our show was great! Heavenly Father was with us that day!

After a billion came up and congratulated me and some people I have always looked up to in the performing world came and talked to me. They thought I was talented, and they are all like amazing! It was so great!

After the show the cast went to Dee's because it is open extremely late. Bad Idea. The manager had a mullet, and instead of being happy that he was actually getting business (almost no one else was there, and about fifty of us were there), he was mad at us for how loud we were. Sam was really funny. He was acting like the father of all of us and was reminding us to be quiet. He was the only one who we would listen to. Since he was Valjean, everyone bowed down to him I guess. Haha. I sat at a table with Breanna, Brianne, Caitlin, Laura, and Haley. We laughed at how no boys wanted to sit with us. Then a bunch of boys came to talk to us. We were so happy! haha

It took about an hour for everyone to pay because seriously the manager was way dumb. (Breanna said (referring to his mullet), "he's all business in front, but NO party in the back).

On the way home (we had six people in Breanna's care that held five people) we saw a policeman. Breanna had been speeding, and we were scared. We dropped Lex off, and then went toward my house. We passed the policeman again and he pulled us over. We were terrified. As it turned out, One of the back lights wasn't working. He gave her a warning and then told us to go home because it was way passed curfew. Good thing we had dropped Lex off! So then we went home and ended a wonderful day.

This was a great day. Everyone was so supportive. I'm so grateful that Heavenly Father was with me during that performance, and during the nine performances to come. And he still is with me through all of my performances. I find that if I acknowledge him in all opportunities I recieve, then I get more wonderful opportunities. When I get cocky and think I'm great, then I don't have as many great opportunities. I'm glad I've learned to rely on Him early in life. He has given me so much!

Thursday September 25, 2008

That was the final dress rehearsal for Les Mis. I still remember it because it was super fun and stressful! (plus I wrote about it in my journal)We barely got the music in time for the final rehearsal (it's a looong story); we had been singing along to a cast recording or with the piano before final rehearsal. The rehearsal went well, but everyone was a little nervous about how we were going to sing with the music perfectly when we had only sung with that music once. After we ran the show once, we had time to go get dinner. I went to Keva with Lex. When we came back, Grant, Cody, Jonathan, Tanner, Joe, and Bryan were rapping and it was so funny and clever! I am still amazed by their talent! Then we had a dance party backstage. Then we sat on the stage and just sang the show. But Sam (Valjean) was very sick and so he didn't sing. And I was feeling a sickness coming on, and panicking! I had worked so hard to stay healthy (Vitamin C, tons of water, sleep-kinda, excercise, etc.), but my throat had begun hurting a little that morning. So I chose to not sing as well. So me, Sam, Jon Beach, and Rachel Cole sat in the back and just talked the whole time instead. We laughed at Beach because he is tone deaf (he laughed with us), and then we realized that Fantine was the only character not in "One Day More". So we decided that I should fly above the cast as an angel singing a descant. For some reason, we thought this was really funny! Then we all went home and had friday off to prepare for saturday: opening night!

These were my knees that night. Fantine gets thrown to the floor a lot! OUCH!!

"I get so lonely, I could die"

Yes, I am quoting an Elvis song! Are you suprised I know more than Showtunes? I am too! haha

Anyway, yesterday afternoon, the biggest wave of loneliness I have ever felt hit me. It was so weird and out of the blue. But I realized that although all of my friends miss me and enjoyed our friendship while we were in high school together, they really don't need me anymore. And I am someone who finds my value in feeling appreciated and needed. So now I'm alone. I have acquaintances at college, but they are not people I could ever really bond with completely. So I guess from here on out I will spend my time at school and work and that's about it. Wahoo. I'm so excited for the rest of my life. Not.

Another Job!

Okay, so for the past year I have been working at the Eldredge Manor. I love it there and the schedule has been perfect for me because I only had to work once a week. But now I am realizing that in order to pay for gas, insurance, my phone, and next semester's books, I am going to need to work more. But most places would require me to work a lot and I still want to be able to do shows and see friends and such. So I figured I would be poor forever.

But then I was at my voice lesson with Cecily Ellis-Bills (she's is the best teacher ever!). Her mom is in charge of hiring at Rodgers Memorial Theatre. And she was talking to Cecily during my lesson about how she needed to find someone to do concessions twice a week. Then I said that I needed a job and loved RMT and she hired me right then! I am so happy! I have always wanted to work there since I was little. It will give me a chance to be at the theatre even though I don't have time to be in a show there. Yay!

I am still working at the Eldredge Manor as well! So I work at weddings and Rodgers! They are like my two favorite things! I'm so lucky!

Where has the time gone?

My cousin Amanda married Jacob Short on Saturday. She is 1 1/2 years older than me, and we have always been close friends. So close, in fact, that I was her maid of honor! I threw her a shower AND made the centerpieces for her wedding. It was a bit stressful, but really fun! I love weddings (obviously, since I work at a reception center) and figure that soon my friends will start getting married and I will have plenty to attend! Anyway, I just felt old because Amanda and I grew up together. The End.

The centerpieces that I designed and made. Keep in mind that I'm a beginner!

My Birthday

I just celebrated my 19th birthday. During the afternoon of my birthday, Breanna and I drove from school at Weber to BHS! All of our dear friends were rehearsing for West Side Story. When we got to the high school we jumped out and ran to the auditorium. We were so excited that we left the car running, AND we locked the doors! Haha. Anyway, so we ran into the school and everyone hugged us and it was just great! Many of my friends are still in high school, and seeing them and hanging out with them was the best present I could ever ask for! After rehearsal, some of us went to the park and had cake. Then I went to see "The Scarlet Pimpernel" at HCT. It is my second favorite musical, and this was a wonderful production of it! It was one of the best birthdays ever!!!

HAWAII

My grandparents ( I call them Tutu and Papa) took me, my mom, and Bri to Hawaii from August 13-August 22. My Mom and Dad, Tutu and Papa, my aunts and uncles, and go there every couple of years. I finally convinced them to take me. We went to Oahu and Kauai. My aunt and cousin live on Kauai, so it was fun to see them! I loved everything about the trip! I got to sing in sacrament meeting in their ward and everyone was so nice to me! They hugged me and gave me their leis- just for singing! I love the kindness and love everyone posesses there- it doesn't matter to them who you are or whether they know you. They are so Christlike. I love that place!

Back to Normal Life

At this moment, I am in Hawaii. On Kauai, to be exact. I have been vacationing in Oahu and Kauai for ten days. Tomorrow, I must go home. Blah. And then school starts on Monday. And then it is back to the dreary life that I led before my Sr. year of high school. Lame. I am very scared to start college, mostly because it is going to be super intense and I won't ever have time to do the things I love ever again. My chances to be in musicals will be rare. And I am leaving behind all of the best friends anyone could ever imagine.

But, on the bright side, I had the most amazing year of my life! Hawaii is a great end to the spectacular life I led from August 2008-August 2009. And I am sure that eventually good things will come once again!

Why am I a Music Major?

Music majors are different from a lot of majors. They are four years programs, and you get to do one or two generals a semester. Also, most music classes are only one credit. So, while a lot of my friends are in five general ed classes (15 credits), I am in nine classes (15 credits), seven of which are music and all required to take the first semester. Here is my schedule for my first semester of college:

Monday/Wednesday
9:30-10:20: Sight Singing and Ear Training
10:30-11:20: Music Theory I
12:30-1:20: Concert Choir
1:30-2:15: INSTITUTE!!! Book of Mormon! Breanna and I are taking it together! I am so excited to have a class with one of my best friends!!

Tuesday/Thursday
7:30-8:45: Psychology 1010
9:00-10:15: English 2010 (yay for getting college credit in high school! I took 1010 as a Senior)
10:30-11:20: Music: The 1st Year Experience
11:30-12:20: Piano I

Friday
10:30-11:20: Music Theory I
12:30-1:20: Concert Choir
2:30-3:20: Master Class

I am also enrolled in Applied Voice Lessons, but I don't find out when that will be until school starts. It's pretty insane!

The Few Things I Know

As I look back on the past year, I have gained a lot of understanding about life and my Heavenly Father. I have had a million positive experiences in the past year, and a couple very hurtful ones. Here is what I know because of all that has happend:

Everything happens for a reason.
Many times, that reason will not be made clear to you.
Even though it doesn't seem like it, it really will benefit you in the long run, if not immediately.
Heavenly Father is my #1 fan and He wants me to be successful in all that I do.
Every experience He gives me brings the opportunity to become better.
Prayer always works. A lot of the time you don't get the answer you want; but eventually you figure out that you got a better one.
Jesus Christ always understands how I feel, even if no one else does.

After reading this, you're probably like "DUH! I've learned that all my life!" Well, I have too. And I have always known that these things are true. But now, not only do I know it, I've seen it apply to my very own life. It's very cool.

Bratlame: A Term of Endearment

Jacob and Myself
Ok, I never really had a strange nickname growing up. My mom called me Bret, but everyone else called me Bretleigh. In 7th grade, my friends started calling me Bret too. At the beginning of Senior year, Caitlin Leger, one of my best friends, started calling me Bretlet. Just this past February, my dear friend Jacob Cardinal, and one of my best friends, Sam Johnson, started calling me Bratlame Sandork. That sounds very mean, but pretty much mine and Jacob's whole relationship is making fun of each other. It's really weird to me that we are friends sometimes. Anyway, so Sam and Jake still call me Bratlame, and I actually respond to it. Suprisingly, I have grown quite fond of the name. I was just realizing that I will miss people calling me that when I go to college. That is all



One picture is of me and Sam. One is of me and Cailtin. You can figure it out.

Graduation

I graduated from Bountiful High School on June 5, 2009 with High Honors (I graduated with a 3.98 GPA!). It was a nice graduation: short and sweet. Afterwards we had an all night party. I don't remember much of my graduation because I had the Swine Flu. Although it is not deadly (as previously thought), it is still miserable. I was tired with a fever the whole time. So that is why I look gross in these pictures.